Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
