What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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