You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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