Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
