how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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