dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
