just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
