It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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