I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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