It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
