Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
