the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize