ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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