Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
