mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
