dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
