I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
