Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
