his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
