I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
