I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
