he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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