I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
