we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
