So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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