I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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