Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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