My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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