"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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