Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
this beer tastes like vomit already
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
