did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
