I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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