these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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