My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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