They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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