I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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