I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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