dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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