So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
