what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
