the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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