I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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