Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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