i think my tv is drunk
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
