I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
