There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
