the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
