apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
