Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How does one acquire holy water?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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