I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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