just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
