You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
