About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
