sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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