I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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