Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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